You might be a fitness fanatic who can’t go a day without a workout sesh. Or maybe you have to hit the snooze button six times before begrudgingly putting on your running shoes in the a.m. Either way, when you get to the gym, you’re bound to run into one of these people you literally can’t stand.
These are the six gym-goers that you love to hate.
1. The Meathead
If you didn’t notice this guy walk in with his sleeveless shirt and giant jug of protein powder, you definitely noticed him when he started
grunting yelling through every set of lifts. If I can hear you over Taylor Swift screaming on “Bad Blood,” you’re far too loud, Pauly D. I assure you that no one is impressed by how much you can bench press nor your gelled hairstyle. Feel free to GTL, but take the “G” elsewhere.
2. The Supermodel
While your main purpose for yoga pants is having enough waistline elasticity to accommodate a post-pizza food baby, this girl’s is for showing off her flawless bod. Seriously, Gisele Bundchen, you’re already perfect. You’re done; that’s it; you can stop working out now. You just know that after these 500 sit-ups homegirl’s going back to eat a kale salad for dinner. Whatever, I’m getting cheese fries.
3. The Talker
how do i kill someone without looking rude
— no (@tbhjuststop) September 15, 2014
This person comes in a variety of forms. They might be your irritating neighbor, who sneaks up behind you when you’re huffing and puffing on the treadmill and expects you to have a full conversation about their cyst removal. Or worse, they’re a complete stranger who drops lines like, “Do you come here often? or “What music are you listening to?” Really, sir? there’s a reason I have headphones in. Buh-bye.
4. The Literal Child
Why is there an unaccompanied minor on the rowing machine? A loose child in the gym is a disaster waiting to happen, and you’ve seen far too many 10 year olds trip over their shoelaces while attempting to operate an elliptical. Seriously, where is your mom? Don’t you have school or something? Youths!
5. The Creeper
I’m pretty sure there are more than a few old men out there who get gym memberships for the sole purpose of creeping. Yes, I see that you conveniently decided to stretch right in front of me. Yes, I notice those too-frequent furtive glances. Joke’s on you because without makeup and appropriate tummy-tucking spandex I actually look like this.
6. The Guy in Jeans
Why? Just why? Why are you wearing jeans to work out? It never ceases to amaze me how many people think it’s chill to rock Levi’s at the 24 Hour Fitness. Perhaps they are in on some calorie-burning secret that only denim can provide. Maybe they are time travelers or better yet, aliens, who are unaware of social mores. These are certainly the most logical explanations. Jean wearers, just GTFO.